Written by Marija Rozman
It is Christmas Eve, a time when children are excited about presents and the slightly bigger meals they will get tomorrow, however, for me, it brings the realization that I don't have a home. I would love to say I am a 5-year-old girl with eyes that sparkle and hair put in braids with little bows, that sits in silence and plays with a doll house. That would be a recipe to get out of here, little and beautiful children always leave first. At 14 years old, I am the oldest one here. This place is my only memory since my mother left me in front of the orphanage door a few weeks after I was born. Also, I am the only Indian boy here. Therefore, I am not only someone who is hitting puberty and will soon become an "unbearable teenager" no one wants to live with, I am also the only person of colour.
I would lie if I said I am not jealous of all the families in Christmas commercials that give me a feeling of home I only know how to miss. Although I do feel special, even for just a moment, when I see a Christmas present wrapped beneath our Christmas tree with the name Kriyan on it. It will probably be donated candy and fruits divided among 30 of us, however, I feel happy to look forward to it.
I sleep along with 14 other children in a shared bedroom. The Christmas tree is positioned in the hall where most of the children are in their pajamas, they look through the window in the hope to see Santa Claus. I hear someone yelling:
"No gift for you Kriyan, you should take a bath first!", the other children laugh loudly.
I sit on my bed repellent to the words I hear. In my hands I hold the only possession I ever had, a snowball with a family that stands in front of the house, there are mom and dad, a boy and a girl, and a little dog in the boy's hands. I shake it and watch the snow fall down. Maybe, if I wish hard enough, I can get the only thing I ever wished for, my perfect kind of Christmas, inside a family.
"What are you wishing for tomorrow?" the little girl asks and enters the bedroom. I always forget her name, she is the new one here so she still doesn't understand how inferior my position is. I tell myself not to like her too much, judging by her looks and white skin I could tell this will probably be her only Christmas here.
"I wish for nothing", I replied, looking at her standing at the door.
"That is such a silly thing to wish", the girl laughed, "I wish for a new colouring book, but I will be happy with anything as long as Santa comes, I even left cookies for him!"
I wanted to tell her that Santa Claus isn't real and she should probably hope for nothing more than chocolate, but I couldn't destroy the dreams of a 6-year-old. A few other kids come into the room, they start to talk with the little girl and imagine what they could get under the tree tomorrow. Soon they go to their beds with a smile on their face and the expectation of a magical Christmas morning. I lay on my bed too and look through the window at the ground covered in snow and at the sparkling stars above it. With a little Christmas snowball in my hands and a strong wish in my heart, I fall asleep.
***
I wake up and immediately feel strange. Something is wrong. I stand up in bed and realize the room is empty, it looks and feels different. None of the other children are here. I try to stand up and I see orange and yellow waves of light around me, I bring my hand up and see the same kind of waves on every side of it. And then, I realize. This is a dream.
I stand up, I feel light as a cloud and exit the room. I stand in a hallway I have never seen before. I go through it and enter the spacious living room with the most beautiful Christmas tree I have ever seen. It stands in front of me, tall and decorated with golden and red Christmas ornaments that sparkle next to the fireplace. I hear a noise and turn around. Suddenly, everything is cloudy, it seems like fog came down in the living room in a matter of seconds. I can't see where I stand, but I catch a glimpse of big red clothes with a bag on it's back leaving through the front door. Instantly, I stand paralyzed. Was that…a Santa Claus?
Again, I hear a noise, I turn back to the tree and see a big gift wrapped in shiny green paper with a note on it. I come closer and realize the note says "Kriyan". With the wonder of how it got here, I turn around again only to see the room empty. However, through a slightly open window, I can swear I hear bells. I come closer and, at the top of the window, just seconds before they left my view, I see few reindeer shapes going across the sky. This isn't real, I remind myself. This isn't real.
I come to the tree and reach my hand for the gift. But then, all at once, I woke up.
***
I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I don't know what time is it, but through the window, I saw the morning has come. For a second I forgot it was Christmas morning, I stay in bed thinking about my dream, and how all Santa Claus stories have gotten into my subconscious. I hear children's laughter from the hall and realize I am the only one still in bed. Quickly, I slip out, presents are waiting!
I come to the hall where the Christmas tree, decorated with ornaments children made from paper, stands in the center. Around it there are children who unwrap their presents, Christmas paper is everywhere and everyone is showing the others what they got. I can see there are many toys among children and realize that donations were better this year. I look beneath the tree only to see all the presents are unwrapped. Someone probably grabbed mine by mistake or maybe on purpose. The little girl comes to me and screams:
"Ha-ha! You got nothing, be careful what you wish for!", and runs away with a new colouring book in her hands.
Just when I was about to begin the search for my present, I hear a noise outside. I look through the window and I see Ms. Addison, one of our caretakers, talking with some people outside. I can't see them clearly at first, but then I recognize them. It's one of the couples who visited a few weeks ago, they came with their daughter, just like last time.
They're heading towards the front door now. I move away from the window and back to the Christmas tree, children are still loud and jumping around with their new gifts, there are candy, dolls and little toy cars everywhere. In a few moments, the front door opens.
"Merry Christmas!", a couple, a girl and Ms. Addison congratulate as they enter the room.
Children turn around and come to them, they show new presents and half-eaten cookies they left for Santa.
I immediately look at Ms. Addison to catch a smile on her face because I know she is the one who eats them. Surprisingly, on her face I see nothing but confusion. However, I catch her sight and she immediately smiles.
"Kriyan, come with us!", she says, pointing to the room where caretakers talk about things they don't want us to hear.
The couple with their girl goes in our direction as well. We enter the room.
They are standing politely, checking me out.
"Kriyan, you remember Ms. and Mrs. Evans from a few weeks back? And their daughter Olivia? ", Ms. Addison asks.
"I do", I said, standing still and wondering what have I done wrong.
Ms. Addison comes to me with teary eyes and grabs me by the shoulder.
"Kriyan, maybe you noticed there is not a Christmas present for you under the tree. That is because your present waits for you in your new home, you are leaving us today."
Ms. and Mrs. Evans look at me:
"We and Olivia really liked you last time, we were talking about this a lot, you have certain kindness and maturity we admire. We would love to be your new family."
I stand still, frozen.
I instantly bring my hand up in expectation to see yellow and orange waves and realize this is a dream.
There are no waves, this isn't a dream.
Suddenly, my face is wet from tears falling down. I look at my new parents and, driven by euphoria, I hug them tightly.
"Thank you! It's just what I wanted."
***
Fireplace cracks next to the beautiful Christmas tree covered in gold and red. I stand in our living room and, with a little dog in my hands, stare at the gift under the tree, wrapped in shiny green paper and with a note that says "Kriyan".
"Won't you open it?", Olivia comes and asks.
I look through the window to try to catch a glimpse of reindeer, but the sky was empty. I see my snowball standing on the window pane, take it in my hands, shake it and watch the snow fall around the family inside. I turn to Olivia and say:
"That's okay, I already have my gift.", I look through the window and wink at the sky.
The end. Merry Christmas!
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